Recently, Flannery’s favorite phrase has been “not yet”.
Me: Flan, it’s time to use the potty!
Flan: NOT YET!
Me: Flan, it’s time to take a bath!
Flan: Not yet!
(After finally getting her in the tub)
Me: Flannery, we’re all done- time to get out of the tub.
Flan: not yet!
Me: Time for bed.
Flan: NOT YETTTTT!
I know she’s learned this from me, because…
Flan: It’s okay if I wear my Dorothy dress?
Me: Not yet.
Flan: Can I watch another episode?
Me: No, not yet. Maybe later.
Flan: Can I paint?
Me: Not yet. Wait until Harper is asleep.
How many times have I had basically the same conversations with God? I often find myself struggling to be satisfied and fully present in my current state of life. I keep thinking about all of the experience, training, and capabilities I have or have received that make me qualified for more than ‘just a stay at home mom’. I find myself making requests to God and his response to me is ‘not yet’. I’m interpreting His answer the way Flannery does instead of the way a loving, caring parent actually means. When Flannery hears me say ‘not yet’ she takes it as “NEVER!!!”. What I mean is ‘not yet’. And I’m guilty of the same thing!
I say “God, I really want to take on this new project now”. He says, “Not yet- now’s not the right time” and I hear Him say “Ain’t gonna happen -EVER. Don’t ask me again!”. So, then I panic and grab what I want and hide in a corner and stuff it in my face as fast as I can with shame, guilt and anxiety. There is no joy or peace in that. But if I would yield to God’s will for me I would understand that He knows the perfect time for me to enter into new opportunities so that I can do them with joy and be fully present to them without shame, guilt, or anxiety.
This season of life does not last forever. It’s just a season. I can’t ignore or push aside my main calling in order to pursue something that it meant for later on. This is a lesson I never seem to learn all the way, but I continue to pray for greater trust and patience, that one day I can carry out God’s will perfectly.