Recently, Flannery’s favorite phrase has been “not yet”.

Me: Flan, it’s time to use the potty!

Flan: NOT YET!

Me: Flan, it’s time to take a bath!

Flan: Not yet!

(After finally getting her in the tub)

Me: Flannery, we’re all done- time to get out of the tub.

Flan: not yet!

Me: Time for bed.

Flan: NOT YETTTTT!

I know she’s learned this from me, because…

Flan: It’s okay if I wear my Dorothy dress?

Me: Not yet.

Flan: Can I watch another episode?

Me: No, not yet. Maybe later.

Flan: Can I paint?

Me: Not yet. Wait until Harper is asleep.

How many times have I had basically the same conversations with God? I often find myself struggling to be satisfied and fully present in my current state of life. I keep thinking about all of the experience, training, and capabilities I have or have received that make me qualified for more than ‘just a stay at home mom’. I find myself making requests to God and his response to me is ‘not yet’. I’m interpreting His answer the way Flannery does instead of the way a loving, caring parent actually means. When Flannery hears me say ‘not yet’ she takes it as “NEVER!!!”. What I mean is ‘not yet’. And I’m guilty of the same thing!

I say “God, I really want to take on this new project now”. He says, “Not yet- now’s not the right time” and I hear Him say “Ain’t gonna happen -EVER. Don’t ask me again!”. So, then I panic and grab what I want and hide in a corner and stuff it in my face as fast as I can with shame, guilt and anxiety. There is no joy or peace in that. But if I would yield to God’s will for me I would understand that He knows the perfect time for me to enter into new opportunities so that I can do them with joy and be fully present to them without shame, guilt, or anxiety.

This season of life does not last forever. It’s just a season. I can’t ignore or push aside my main calling in order to pursue something that it meant for later on.  This is a lesson I never seem to learn all the way, but I continue to pray for greater trust and patience, that one day I can carry out God’s will perfectly.

-Meghan

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