Yesterday was a hard day. It was a good hard day though. It was emotionally and spiritually hard, physically I felt pretty good. I hit the one week mark of bed rest and it finally sunk in. It was a day steeped in prayer and revelation of how the Lord is working to bring me to holiness through this time of bed rest and like most things like that, it ┬áis such a bittersweet experience. I don’t feel like I’m at a place where I can fully share and explain what exactly He is doing in my heart and articulate it well enough here on the blog, but one day I will. All I can say for sure is that it is truly beautiful to see how the Lord chooses to work in our lives, root out fears, and lies, and help us realize our own weakness in order to give us the chance to fully depend on Him. To grow in trust and humility. All of this things bring me so much joy because more than anything I want to grow in virtue and holiness, but it also brings so much pain and difficulty because I’m put face to face with some of my biggest fears and have to take a huge leap of faith. I can see the beauty that will come from the suffering, the triumph of the cross. I can see how the Paschal mystery is at play in my very own life. But, man the whole Gethsemane part just really sucks. And that’s what I keep coming back to in prayer. Jesus in the garden, struggling with his humanity, but in His divinity knowing the outcome will be one of glory. I cling to His struggle, and find comfort His fight to give in to the will of the Father. It is okay to struggle, its good to struggle- we just must not give in to defeat. But like Jesus, the day culminated in an uncontrollable flood of tears that burst through me like a dam breaking. This was not a couple little tear drops quietly dripping down my cheek. It was the horrifying-for-other-people-to-watch-only-do-this-alone-in-your-room kind of crying complete with labored breathing and involuntary body convulsions. I was a mess. And I was not alone in my room. I was still on my couch, with Flannery playing in front of me on the floor. I thought I should run away from her so she didn’t see me like that, but instead the most amazing thing happened. She came over, crawled up on the couch to give me a big hug. Then she grabbed a tissue and diligently sat by me wiping each tear that came down my cheek until I had cried it all out. Up until that point all I wanted was for Zach to come home from his trip so I wouldn’t be alone anymore because he’s one of the few people who actually can handle me in this state. And just when I thought all hope was lost my little one year old daughter came to my rescue. It didn’t phase her, or even freak her out. She handled it with the compassion of a grown woman and the motherly love of Our Lady. She handled it better than I would have if I was in her shoes. She didn’t try to fix my problems, or make me talk it all out. She just let me cry and held me until it was over. The Lord knows what we need and He gets us through the toughest times, even in ways we would never expect. Flannery, I love you. You’re going to be the best big sister. IMG_0511 -Meghan